I’m not gonna lie. Today felt really hard. The hardest day yet. Yesterday I started a conversation at work that I knew would be difficult, it would mean disappointing people, arguing, debating. Leaving people unhappy, disappointed.
That’s the job. It just feels harder in the current environment. But I think it sapped all my energy from today.
I can’t seem to figure out a health regimen. Yesterday we ordered dominoes, but I made a low-carb pizza for myself and Jill. And then we followed that with a bottle of wine.
Today I woke up hungry and feeling a little sick and gave up on the low-carb intermittent fasting that has been my mantra for the past two years or so. I had a couple bowls of cereal to try to feel “right.”
I recognize that so many people have it harder than me. Whether it’s people in healthcare working round the clock or people who have lost their jobs because of the shut-down. I 100% get that I am a privileged jerk. No question. If this post feels like a cry for sympathy… it’s not. I’m just trying to capture my thoughts.
It’s honestly hard to work with the personal existential crises this environment provokes. I’m not curing cancer. I’m sure as hell not curing coronavirus.
But I am responsible for making sure that my company does well. And in that respect I am responsible for the salaries of about 1,300 people. And without hubris, if I do a bad job in my position, it will have a real impact on those 1,300 people. So honestly, it doesn’t matter how I feel. My responsibility is to ensure that we can continue to pay these people. That our company continues to make sense and provide value to people.
I have no wrapup to end this. Today was Thursday. It’s gonna get worse over the next couple weeks. But we need to keep doing what we do. Keep serving the needs of the people who rely on us.